Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Drying my tears...

I need to blog. I burst into tears today. Because another family rocked up to share our hospital room. Well not because of that. Because that happened right when I hit the wall. Right when I was trying to keep it together and not burst into tears. Right when, after 10 days and no change in her blood results, I'm feeling a tiny bit frustrated and a big bit home-sick. I locked myself in the toilet and cried. And came out trying to convince myself my red eyes weren't a dead give away. In hindsight, they probably got some other parent through the day, my red eyes. When I see someone else crying around here it helps me remember we are all going through hell pretty much. But because we are Mums and Dads we smile at each other in the hallways. That kinda makes it sound like we are all a bunch of phonies, us cancer parents. We're not. Smiles make the hard stuff a little bit easier. And most of the time, life still happens. And life, a lot of the time has a habit of making you smile.

And then my man, just at the right time, wraps me up in his arms. And just holds me while I cry again, 'cos I just wanna go home! Then I can keep going.


  1. I feel so bad for you Jema. It must be so horrible being stuck in there. But I think you are right, the other family probably would have just felt bad for you and were probably glad to know they aren't the only ones feeling like that at times.
    But still, sharing a room just doesn't make life easy. Hope Evie's bloods pick up soon. I'll see you tomorrow. My appointment is at 10:30 so i'll be there after however long it takes at the doctors.

  2. I have spent an hour reading your blog and I have tears streaming down my face. You are all so brave and I mean all of you. Evie is fighting the cancer but you are all right by her side fighting it with her. Everything she goes through you go through too.

    I think you're amazing and I think Evie is amazing too. Keep your chin up and in years to come you will all look back on this having survived it.